Journal Entry 45

March 14th, 2005

"Arbadacarba"

 

I'm off. Home has been a whirlwind for me. The idea of getting a job or going to school again never appealed. So after some weeks, it was obvious that home wasn't home. Not now.

But nevertheless, somehow, a brief stopover in the USA turned into three months. I changed my intended flight (31JAN) two days before the scheduled date, then shifted the date thrice more. The lifestyle has been similar...transience. I've never stayed in the same place for more than six consecutive nights.

I've reunited with many friends, seen my extended family, gone ice fishing with my brothers, bowling with my old buddies, taken a vacation to Las Vegas (the home of American big-ness) with my family, and started a new relationship. Life's been busy. I've even been around long enough for a proper Minnesota coldspell and a proper Minnesota snowstorm. My broken rib is healed, I joined a gym, and got into shape again.

A year ago, I was just leaving the island of New Guinea. If you'd told me that a year from then, I'd be in an African village, or hiking in South America, or back in India somewhere, I'd have shrugged and thought, yeah, okay. What I never would've predicted is that I'd be back in the USA with a girlfriend named Alyson.

For better or worse, I seem to excel at making life complex and unpredictable. It's been good, though. I continue to live inside my own personal fairytale. The past months have certainly been a unique period in my life. I've learned a lot more about myself, and my motives, even though I seem to have lost direction a bit. But it's been good for me. I'm happy, and comfortable, and eager to see what's around that next corner.

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So I departed once more, but this time I'm armed with some new stuff: a new backpack, a guitar, and Twinkie-flavored chapstick. And the me that leaves this time is not the same one that left three years ago...well, aside from the short hair.

The original plan was to return to Switzerland, head to Turkey and the Caucausus, then south from there. Ha. Not a chance. I should've known that. I jumped off the plane in Amsterdam instead of taking it to Zurich, my end destination. That´s where I am now. Tomorrow, I hop on a bus for a two day, two night bus journey to the Dark Continent, where a new adventure awaits.

My departure this time ´round was much different. Still chaotic with a quick packing job, but much more emotional. Nothing is ever run-of-the-mill it seems. Goodbyes were strange...see you when?

Am I excited, or ready, or able? Kind of, tentatively, not sure.

Life is a giant hiccup.

'...a guest is like a fish and stinks after three days.' (-Umberto Eco)

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'Every day there's a boy in the mirror
Asking me what are you doing here
Finding all my previous motives
Growing increasingly unclear...

Homesick...'cause I no longer know
Where home is.' (Kings of Convenience, 'Homesick')

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'"Cheshire-Puss," she began, rather timidly, as she did not at all know
whether it would like the name: however, it only grinned a little
wider. "Come, it's pleased so far," thought Alice, and she went on.
"Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?"

"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat.

"I don't much care where---" said Alice.

"Then it doesn't matter which way you go," said the Cat.

"---so long as I get somewhere," Alice added as an explanation.

"Oh, you're sure to do that," said the Cat, "if you only walk long
enough."' (-Lewis Carroll)

 

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